Thursday, January 26, 2012

How do I help my son come out to his father?

My son is gay, and he told me this a couple of years ago but didn't want me to tell his father yet. But, I really think his father needs to know now, and he agrees. To be quite honest, I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out already. My son is 15, and he is pretty much what you would expect from a homosexual boy nowadays. He is real skinny, wears makeup, is into the latest %26lt;female%26gt; fashions, etc. My husband yells at him sometimes, telling him to "stop being such a pansy" or something along those lines, but doesn't think he's gay. He is /very/ homophobic, and I'm almost scared for my son. How do I help him come out to his fahter?

How do I help my son come out to his father?
You should visit this website:



http://www.pflag.org/



You should find a chapter near you, you should join and go to a meeting, and you should ask the other parents how they've handled your dilemma and what their experiences were.



In the meantime, have you ever spoken out against your husband's homophobic remarks? If so, how has he reacted? If not, now is the time to start doing so and begin "testing the waters." You and he should have a dialogue about gay people, and hypothetically gay children, and maybe that will give you some sense of how deep his homophobia really is; i.e., is he a "No son of mine better be gay!" kind of dad, or an "I would love him anyway, no matter what," kind of dad?



Some parents are homophobic because of their dogmatic religious beliefs, which are notoriously difficult to change. Others are afraid their children are gay because they think it would mean they did something wrong as a parent. Your husband may know on some level that your son is gay, but has been refusing to acknowledge it because it would damage his own feelings of adequacy as a father and as a man. Hopefully he could get over it with some accurate information, or perhaps family counseling.



But if your husband would do violence to your son just for being gay, why are you even with him? Why consent to live with a bully?



Anyway, here's an excellent book for parents with gay kids:



http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Acceptance-...



I hope you get some helpful advice on this one. Best of luck!
Reply:You don't hide sh*t like that from your husband.
Reply:boo im so sorry to hear that. Unfortunatley, at that age, all dad wants is his son on the football team and getting laid. Im surprised he knew his identity at 15. i suggest let him wait. and not to spare your childs individuality, dont let him wear womens close. hes a homosexual male, not a woman. Let him wait till hes 18, if it can wait that long. i know his father needs to know, but your son is 15. he has alot more growing to do mentally and physically. you never know if he tones down., grows out of it, etc. good luck and tell your son to stay strong
Reply:be there and be suportive when he does, and maybe start prepping dad b4 he tells him
Reply:Your husband might already have a feeling and already knows. Just pray and be strong. Don't let him know that you have known for a couple years that might make him explode more. be supportive.
Reply:You should tell your husband it's his fault. All those years of molesting your son have turned him into a flaming loop.
Reply:you should tell your husband as soon as possible.it is his right to know.
Reply:I would say hold off for now. I would spill the beans to Dad once your son starts hairdressing school.
Reply:You might want to contact your local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) they are very good with advice on these matters and great helping people. My in-laws (I'm gay married Canadian) were deeply involved with this and helped many families stay together...Just try them...you have nothing to lose.
Reply:have a family meeting, and try to talk about it as a family.
Reply:wearing makeup and girls clothes does not a gay one make, and at 15 he really has no idea what he wants, there are plenty of 40 year old males that do this and are not gay, the question is will he later have sex with just men, thats hard to say at this age i have known 30 year old gay men that went straight, so i would say wait until he is 18,, having sex at 15 is illegal and you dont want to go down that road,


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