How should I deal with a haunting?

Whilst perusing the fine wines of my extensive cellars, I happened upon a hidious apparition.



The entity loosely resembled a former employee, Groves the gardener, whom I accidentally killed with a chainsaw, a shotgun and a small explosion. We had been argueing about pansies.



How should one proceed with such a delicate matter? I am toying with some dynamite at the moment.

How should I deal with a haunting?
Good grief old chap nothing worse than an un-dead domestic. Sadly dynamite will only sever his apparition into thousands of undead fragments. Might I suggest you place a portrait of Ann Widdecomb in your wine cellar? This will so horrify the ghostly gardener that he will never appear again. Though you may risk turning the 1823 Chateau Lafitte sour....On second thoughts, I'd just stick with your gardener-ghoul old chap. Then conduct haunted guided tours of your estate for our American friends. You will therefore capitalise on the appearances of your servant spook.
Reply:Hello, my good sir. A haunting, you say? Then perhaps the folk remedy of a simple exorcism should do. Simply walk around the perimeter of your abode and the grounds and ask that each space be blessed. Furthermore, confront the troubled spirit. Perhaps it can tell you a way in which you can free it from the confines of your living space.



Oh, and might I simply ask why this inquiry has been placed in the "Gardening %26amp; Landscaping" section? I feel it should be placed in the "Supernatural" section if multiple, spot-on answers are what you seek.
Reply:It is insufferable that the wretched man not only had the gall to argue with you over who is to erect your wife's gazebo, Sir Terrance, but now has the most stupendous cheek as to disturb your peaceful enjoyment of your abode with further disputation on the matter.



Fire him - but this time by means of a large explosion. Haven't you got any of those nuclear bombs left?
Reply:My good Sir, may one suggest a product supplied by this company:

“Semtín East Bohemian Chemical Works” they supply all manner of products designed to remove things that are hard to get rid of? The last time I used the product it was supplied by a rather dodgy chap at a car boot sale but after a little persuasion he relinquished his supplier it is called VCHZ Synthesia, but most people call it Semtex?

It does have a rather big effect….just a tad better than dynamite old bean

one might suggest removing the wine first ?
Reply:I'm shaking with fear here ! Is the wine ok? As for the ghostly apparition, are you sure it wasn't the maid ? If it was a ghost, you may need to contact a certain chap I read about in local print. His name is Van Helsing. He'll sort the problem for a jar of sauerkraut. Good luck.
Reply:Quickly now, get thee to the butler's pantry, and procure a 2/3 weeding fork. With one half dram of arrowroot, circumsize the gesticum. Twirl sharply, and gesticulate toward the flagstones. Problem solved. Or is it?
Reply:You won't go far wrong with dynamite old boy, do remember to use plenty though, once while performing an exorcism at a chums house I didn't use nearly enough. I can tell you now I felt a right fool having only blown up half his haunted estate. Tip top.
Reply:Home depot sells anti haunting spray. Dilute it with water and spread evenly over the area where Groves likes to hang out. It he reappears, then dynamite may be your only answer.
Reply:Forget the dynamite - go see a psychiatrist.
Reply:Did you encounter this apparition before or after partaking of your wine cellar's contents?
Reply:Explosives will not rid you of the Ghost. You need to use Mercury spread out over the ground.
Reply:very VERY simple go to home depot or lowes if you like and pick up a

FOR SALE BY OWNER sign problem solve

if that doesnt work piss in all corners of the basement that will do it
Reply:Just tell Groves it's time to move on.
Reply:you talk to posh for me dood.
Reply:well holy water......
Reply:call the Ghost Busters!!



(cue music)
Reply:Call TAPS
Reply:Issues...you have. lol.