Monday, February 13, 2012

Do u liKe my 2 old poems? from my old account. THrere are many more!?


l get cut all the time

but not that kind.

Shreaded by words

that cant be heard.

But ill Keep strong

as long as you are there.

Every words you speak heals me.

As long as your there to care,

My attackers will just stop and stare!


The sunny sites of spring slowly appearing,

Daffodils opening, pansies smiling.

Then suddenly sun turns to rain in my brain,

The pain is insane,

the river slowly shrivels up to mud,

Then the sudden down pour of my lonely heart,

starts dripping on my last love.

Do u liKe my 2 old poems? from my old account. THrere are many more!?
Awesome, dude. Do they come with a free bucket?
Reply:First poem: "can't", not "cant", "I'll", not "ill", "keep", not "Keep", "Every word", not "Every words", "you're", not "your".

Second poem: "sights", not "sites", "Spring", not "spring", and "downpour", not "down pour".

Also, there is a logic error here: If the "sun turns to rain", why would the river slowly shrivel up to mud? If you put the "the river slowly shrivels up to mud" line "before" the "then suddenly" line, it would make sense and connect with the other lines that follow.

Otherwise, not bad. Keep writing.
Reply:No dear I don't, do keep them to your self.
Reply:Not keen. I think your poetry should be a 'private' thing.
Reply:Tattybow, my gut feeling is that you have a constant need for praise because you don't think too highly of yourself right now. It also looks like you might have hit a writers block because now we're getting re-runs. I want you to realise that you are worth more than your poems and also that you shouldn't assume everyone else is perfect or any less screwed up than you perceive yourself to be. I used to do what you do now so I know the score: used to show my photos, drawings, poems to bemused relatives and friends of my parents but there comes a time when you just have to believe in yourself. Personally, I think poetry is not something that you will continue forever - it is just a medium for expressing some of your darker thoughts and you won't always have these. In time, you will discover the real you and the things you're really good at as well as those things that make you stand out from the crowd. I didn't really kickstart my life until I was 21, and even then, I still had to keep on at myself to embrace life and not be so afraid of it and I must do that even to the present day. If you can similarly give yourself a boot up the backside to stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at how wonderful it is to be alive, then please do so and you will be glad that you did. Being miserable is no fun and no good for you as it is a waste of life and life is short enough. I am sorry for being so brutally honest with you but I would just like for you to toughen up a bit: and I don't mean bottling things up that bother you - don't ever do that! - but try to find a way you can be content and see the good in life and determine to make the most of your life. x John/TOBERMORY

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